What I go through daily in my life as a teenage cancer patient!
Monday, August 17, 2015
Rough
I feel horrible. I look forward to my nightly walk with my dad. I'm still coherent but my body is really slow. I sit in my chair mostly and think about random people from my past, and who is feeding me my next meal.
So good to get an update!!!! I have been thinking about you and your Mom all weekend That photo of you and Jordyn, with her face wrapped up is awesome! I am glad you have your family close by, and that they are able to spend time with you..... I have no doubt that your Dad looks forward to your evening walks, just as much as you do. The weather is probably getting ready to shift and soon the colors on the mountains will start to change, and the smell of harvest will be in the air. I really miss living in Utah and watching the 4 seasons come and go. Washington has its own beauty, but it is harder to see the seasons change. I am glad that you people are feeding you because that means you haven't lost your appetite....I sure wish I had some of your Moms wheat rolls.....I have the recipe, but they have never turned out as good as hers!! I'm sorry you feel horrible! Keep Rolling Along Amazing Girl.... I hope you can still listen to music, without making your head hurt!! Music has a way of taking us places, and soothing our souls with goodness......(unless you listen to one of those screaming dudes, that make you feel like you have to clear your throat.....I don't know any of their Band names, because they sound like my garbage disposal clearing a massive clog in my drain!!!)....
Rachel, you are an inspiration to many and are truely loved even by a complete stranger. Whether you know it or not you have changed the world for the better and I hope you take pride in that. There are only a handful of heros like you in this world. You can do hard things beautiful!!!
Rach, I think ending the day on a walk with your dad sounds amazing! I'm sorry that you are not feeling well right now. You still look like a ray of sunshine and your spirit just shines! I sure miss seeing you and your smile in person! I hope you come out east again! I'd love to go have a girls day out with you again! We could ride another bus around in circles and drink more wheat grass! HAHAHA!! If I come your way first, then you plan what we could do, ok? I'm glad you have this blog to share with us. Love you girl! Penny
Thank you for sharing your story!!! I've been here from the beginning! You have taught me so much! :') thank you! I love the picture of you and your sister embracing!!! I have learned to not take moments for granted!! Thank you!
Hang in there sweet girl, the blessings are coming. Sorry you feel so rotten, I think pretty much the whole world is praying for you Rachel. Sending you big hugs xxx
Please know sweet girl, that your time here on this Earthly plane, has not been in vain. You are a beacon and a light for so many. I send you my love and prayers to the Heavenly Father your spirit will shine bright.
Hi Rachel, Okay, real moment here . . . Ready? (Deep breath) . . . . Here goes: I've known about you since before you knew about me. My mom is Rori, so of course, she's been talking about you & Jordyn since . . . . well, before you could read. :D I've also known that you've been going through all this crap with your dumb cancer, but chose to stay distant because . . . well . . . you were going to die & why get emotionally attached to someone I've hardly ever seen & who's not even going to be around, right? I know . . . a horrible thing to think, but like I said, this is a "real" moment, so there you go. I visited your blog a couple of times in the past, mostly to make my Mom quit nagging (she can be like a bulldog you know) ;) but again, it was "safer" to just keep my distance. Even when Jordyn had her bridal shower up here I had actually planned to stay, but then my mom showed up & zoomed out & I chickened out -- I guess I just didn't know what to say to anyone, or how to act -- I haven't exactly been "in the picture" . . . mostly my own doing.. . . But then I had this thing happen . . . . My 11 year old Lily started running XC . . . I have no idea why - I hate running & my hubby . . .. well, let's just say we're not runners. :D Anyway, she started running last year and had this amazing year - she never placed, never even finished in the top 20, but I saw this incredible growth in her - this ability to take on life head-on & push through the discomfort and the pain and just . . . . Do hard things. Then her coach died. He suffered a massive heart attack during a meet in Salmon (a.k.a. the middle of nowhere) and died there on the mountain. She was one of the first ones to find him. . . while he was dying . . . and she was okay. She was able to take that traumatic, life-changing event and make it beautiful. "I am going to run forever" she said . . . "I am going to run this season for Papa Campbell" . . . and she did. So that brings me to the point of this ridiculously long comment (did I mention I'm Rori's daughter?) :D -- I was talking to my mom about this fundraiser Lily is doing for her team this year -- they're 2x State Champions and are planning to make it to National's this year (now that there are Nationals for tiny schools). So anyway, I was talking to my mom about this fundraiser & she was like, "Oh, Rachel was a runner . . . she ran XC and track . . . " And I started thinking about you . . . . really thinking . . . . And I decided to check out your blog & really . . . take it all in. And Rach, I have to say, it breaks my heart that you feel so crappy & that your life is so hard right now. But at the same time, I look at what running has done for my Lily - the mental toughness, the ability to push through the pain, the vision to fight for something you can't even see and that feels forever away . . . . and I am SOOO thankful you were a runner! I am so thankful that you were blessed to have the opportunity to develop those character traits. And I am so thankful that you have had the courage and spirit to share your hurdles (I agree with your sentiments about the counselor at UVU -- "Roadblock" is one of those words that just annoy . . . I hear it & think "you wanna see what I can do to your 'roadblock'?!" -- Squirrel moment, I know, but I just had to share.) Anyway, to share your hurdles and show time & again how those traits ; endurance, mental toughness, etc., have helped you in this really long fight. THANK YOU, RACHEL!!! I am so sorry I've stayed away. I won't stay away anymore (unless, of course, this whole post has freaked you out & you're like "Um . . .Diane? How hard is it to get a restraining order?") ;D You inspire me. I hope my daughter grows up to be just like you -- a runner. All my love & prayers,
Oh I was so pleased to read this post.....I check every day wondering how you are. On the weekend I spent a great big chunk of it reading back through your blog from the beginning, how your life has changed. I watched my mother go through this, my heart hurts for you & your family. I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I understand how it is to be in your family's shoes & how I feel for them! The photo of you & Jordan with her head in your lap reminded me so much of the days with my mother. Precious precious memories that are so bitter sweet. So many hugs & smiles & tears from Queensland Australia. Xo
Oh I was so pleased to read this post.....I check every day wondering how you are. On the weekend I spent a great big chunk of it reading back through your blog from the beginning, how your life has changed. I watched my mother go through this, my heart hurts for you & your family. I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I understand how it is to be in your family's shoes & how I feel for them! The photo of you & Jordan with her head in your lap reminded me so much of the days with my mother. Precious precious memories that are so bitter sweet. So many hugs & smiles & tears from Queensland Australia. Xo
Hi there, Rachel. Im sorry you are going through all of this S H I T... Well, why you, right?? I don't know the answer to that question... Keep your faith... It will get us through anything:)
I dont even remember how I first happened upon your blog, but I never forget to check for an update. We are strangers, but you have touched me more deeply than you can imagine. Your sharp wit has never dulled, even for a second and you have made me laugh about things I never would have thought I could find funny: you are just hilarious. Adorable, smart, and stronger than most 3X your age; you are one in a million, actually, 5 billion. I am ever sorry that you have spent so much of your time on this earth in pain, but God has a plan and I hope to one day understand why. I truly adore you and would give just about anything to see you running again. I will pray for you and your family. God bless you.
Thank you for the update on your blog, I check on you often and pray for you every day. Love the pictures, especially the last one with your sister. Sister love is the best, and I'll bet twin-sister love is even better! You are one of the bravest people I've ever known, even though I don't really know you! But I've been reading your blog for a long time so I feel like I really do kinda know you. And I think you are amazing! Your evening walks with your dad sound wonderful. Hugs to you!
I don't even know you but I check on daily basis for updates. You are a true inspiration. I don't think I could even be half as strong as you are. You have taught me to be grateful for everyone moment. Thank you. I hope and pray for you and your family.
Merry Christmas!!! Hope Rachel and ur family have a wonderfull Christmas time!!!! Her story is inspiring.... She and ur familly will be in my prayers.... Much love <3 even though we never met....
Dammit, Rachel. I'm laying in bed, crying. I'm angry that you're dealing w/this. So angry. Next Fast Sunday, I'm going to stand & share the impact you've had on my life & what a blessing you've been to me. I'm sad we won't meet in person anytime soon. You are loved. Obvi!! xo
So good to get an update!!!! I have been thinking about you and your Mom all weekend That photo of you and Jordyn, with her face wrapped up is awesome! I am glad you have your family close by, and that they are able to spend time with you..... I have no doubt that your Dad looks forward to your evening walks, just as much as you do. The weather is probably getting ready to shift and soon the colors on the mountains will start to change, and the smell of harvest will be in the air. I really miss living in Utah and watching the 4 seasons come and go. Washington has its own beauty, but it is harder to see the seasons change. I am glad that you people are feeding you because that means you haven't lost your appetite....I sure wish I had some of your Moms wheat rolls.....I have the recipe, but they have never turned out as good as hers!! I'm sorry you feel horrible! Keep Rolling Along Amazing Girl.... I hope you can still listen to music, without making your head hurt!! Music has a way of taking us places, and soothing our souls with goodness......(unless you listen to one of those screaming dudes, that make you feel like you have to clear your throat.....I don't know any of their Band names, because they sound like my garbage disposal clearing a massive clog in my drain!!!)....
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRachel, you are an inspiration to many and are truely loved even by a complete stranger. Whether you know it or not you have changed the world for the better and I hope you take pride in that. There are only a handful of heros like you in this world. You can do hard things beautiful!!!
ReplyDeleteRach, I think ending the day on a walk with your dad sounds amazing! I'm sorry that you are not feeling well right now. You still look like a ray of sunshine and your spirit just shines! I sure miss seeing you and your smile in person! I hope you come out east again! I'd love to go have a girls day out with you again! We could ride another bus around in circles and drink more wheat grass! HAHAHA!! If I come your way first, then you plan what we could do, ok? I'm glad you have this blog to share with us. Love you girl! Penny
ReplyDeleteLove you Rach!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story!!! I've been here from the beginning! You have taught me so much! :') thank you! I love the picture of you and your sister embracing!!!
ReplyDeleteI have learned to not take moments for granted!! Thank you!
Hang in there sweet girl, the blessings are coming. Sorry you feel so rotten, I think pretty much the whole world is praying for you Rachel. Sending you big hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!!! Prayers for comfort and tons of hugs coming your way!
ReplyDeletePrayers sweet girl. You are amazing. Never give up no matter what. There are soooo many praying for you and fighting with you. Hugs hugs hugs
ReplyDeletePrayers sweet girl. You are amazing. Never give up no matter what. There are soooo many praying for you and fighting with you. Hugs hugs hugs
ReplyDeleteGod bless you, Rachel. You are in my prayers~
ReplyDeleteBless your heart.
ReplyDeleteAlways praying for you!
ReplyDeleteSending Prayers and blessings from Jacksonville Florida.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you are able to spend time with your dad on those evening walks.
Please know sweet girl, that your time here on this Earthly plane, has not been in vain. You are a beacon and a light for so many. I send you my love and prayers to the Heavenly Father your spirit will shine bright.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel,
ReplyDeleteOkay, real moment here . . . Ready? (Deep breath) . . . . Here goes: I've known about you since before you knew about me. My mom is Rori, so of course, she's been talking about you & Jordyn since . . . . well, before you could read. :D I've also known that you've been going through all this crap with your dumb cancer, but chose to stay distant because . . . well . . . you were going to die & why get emotionally attached to someone I've hardly ever seen & who's not even going to be around, right? I know . . . a horrible thing to think, but like I said, this is a "real" moment, so there you go. I visited your blog a couple of times in the past, mostly to make my Mom quit nagging (she can be like a bulldog you know) ;) but again, it was "safer" to just keep my distance. Even when Jordyn had her bridal shower up here I had actually planned to stay, but then my mom showed up & zoomed out & I chickened out -- I guess I just didn't know what to say to anyone, or how to act -- I haven't exactly been "in the picture" . . . mostly my own doing.. . .
But then I had this thing happen . . . . My 11 year old Lily started running XC . . . I have no idea why - I hate running & my hubby . . .. well, let's just say we're not runners. :D Anyway, she started running last year and had this amazing year - she never placed, never even finished in the top 20, but I saw this incredible growth in her - this ability to take on life head-on & push through the discomfort and the pain and just . . . . Do hard things.
Then her coach died. He suffered a massive heart attack during a meet in Salmon (a.k.a. the middle of nowhere) and died there on the mountain. She was one of the first ones to find him. . . while he was dying . . . and she was okay. She was able to take that traumatic, life-changing event and make it beautiful. "I am going to run forever" she said . . . "I am going to run this season for Papa Campbell" . . . and she did.
So that brings me to the point of this ridiculously long comment (did I mention I'm Rori's daughter?) :D -- I was talking to my mom about this fundraiser Lily is doing for her team this year -- they're 2x State Champions and are planning to make it to National's this year (now that there are Nationals for tiny schools). So anyway, I was talking to my mom about this fundraiser & she was like, "Oh, Rachel was a runner . . . she ran XC and track . . . " And I started thinking about you . . . . really thinking . . . . And I decided to check out your blog & really . . . take it all in. And Rach, I have to say, it breaks my heart that you feel so crappy & that your life is so hard right now. But at the same time, I look at what running has done for my Lily - the mental toughness, the ability to push through the pain, the vision to fight for something you can't even see and that feels forever away . . . . and I am SOOO thankful you were a runner! I am so thankful that you were blessed to have the opportunity to develop those character traits. And I am so thankful that you have had the courage and spirit to share your hurdles (I agree with your sentiments about the counselor at UVU -- "Roadblock" is one of those words that just annoy . . . I hear it & think "you wanna see what I can do to your 'roadblock'?!" -- Squirrel moment, I know, but I just had to share.) Anyway, to share your hurdles and show time & again how those traits ; endurance, mental toughness, etc., have helped you in this really long fight.
THANK YOU, RACHEL!!! I am so sorry I've stayed away. I won't stay away anymore (unless, of course, this whole post has freaked you out & you're like "Um . . .Diane? How hard is it to get a restraining order?") ;D
You inspire me. I hope my daughter grows up to be just like you -- a runner. All my love & prayers,
Oh I was so pleased to read this post.....I check every day wondering how you are. On the weekend I spent a great big chunk of it reading back through your blog from the beginning, how your life has changed. I watched my mother go through this, my heart hurts for you & your family. I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I understand how it is to be in your family's shoes & how I feel for them! The photo of you & Jordan with her head in your lap reminded me so much of the days with my mother. Precious precious memories that are so bitter sweet. So many hugs & smiles & tears from Queensland Australia. Xo
ReplyDeleteOh I was so pleased to read this post.....I check every day wondering how you are. On the weekend I spent a great big chunk of it reading back through your blog from the beginning, how your life has changed. I watched my mother go through this, my heart hurts for you & your family. I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I understand how it is to be in your family's shoes & how I feel for them! The photo of you & Jordan with her head in your lap reminded me so much of the days with my mother. Precious precious memories that are so bitter sweet. So many hugs & smiles & tears from Queensland Australia. Xo
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi there, Rachel. Im sorry you are going through all of this S H I T... Well, why you, right?? I don't know the answer to that question... Keep your faith... It will get us through anything:)
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteI dont even remember how I first happened upon your blog, but I never forget to check for an update. We are strangers, but you have touched me more deeply than you can imagine. Your sharp wit has never dulled, even for a second and you have made me laugh about things I never would have thought I could find funny: you are just hilarious. Adorable, smart, and stronger than most 3X your age; you are one in a million, actually, 5 billion. I am ever sorry that you have spent so much of your time on this earth in pain, but God has a plan and I hope to one day understand why. I truly adore you and would give just about anything to see you running again. I will pray for you and your family. God bless you.
Rach- You're my Hero! Love you and the Stratton family. Love always, katherine, connor and sean maudsley
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update on your blog, I check on you often and pray for you every day. Love the pictures, especially the last one with your sister. Sister love is the best, and I'll bet twin-sister love is even better! You are one of the bravest people I've ever known, even though I don't really know you! But I've been reading your blog for a long time so I feel like I really do kinda know you. And I think you are amazing! Your evening walks with your dad sound wonderful. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI pray for you every day and think about you often. I know it's not much, but I feel for you.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing Rachel!
ReplyDeleteI don't even know you but I check on daily basis for updates. You are a true inspiration. I don't think I could even be half as strong as you are. You have taught me to be grateful for everyone moment. Thank you. I hope and pray for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSending love to you from Texas
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas!!! Hope Rachel and ur family have a wonderfull Christmas time!!!! Her story is inspiring.... She and ur familly will be in my prayers.... Much love <3 even though we never met....
ReplyDeleteDammit, Rachel. I'm laying in bed, crying. I'm angry that you're dealing w/this. So angry. Next Fast Sunday, I'm going to stand & share the impact you've had on my life & what a blessing you've been to me. I'm sad we won't meet in person anytime soon. You are loved. Obvi!! xo
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete