tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14610775988051225872024-03-19T01:48:43.413-07:00RACHEL'S CANCER JOURNEYWhat I go through daily in my life as a teenage cancer patient!Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-61024948969715320462016-08-22T23:20:00.000-07:002016-08-22T23:20:17.979-07:00Jordyn's Story<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I
have a habit (and I think we all do in one way or another), where I
believe that nothing bad can happen to me. Somehow, somewhere deep down, I
never believed terrible things could happen to me. Because they hadn’t. I
have seen all my grandparents pass away, broken bones, gotten super
sick, felt guilt, felt regret, gotten my heart broken, struggled with
depression, anxiety, etc., but I’ve led a pretty cush life. I grew up
with awesome parents, an incredible family, great friends, and talents
and opportunities many never get. A few years ago my life was turned
upside down and I want to be open and candid about it. Maybe this is my
way of overcoming some of the pain and sadness I have pent up inside of
me, which only gets out when my inner volcano erupts. I’ve been dreading
this day for a year. 8/23/16 marks one year since my identical twin
passed away. I want to share my story without holding much back. So here
it is…</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUSMdMTQEgWIUDp93YsCN8NxiMKB9qehEbVEycNUbX3PvU9nIGT__1pxyHAQ0xoQbaqGjgcXT-p88TYDpvEF_ivyKR_BrSHSHfzXRQyq2lI3Ru9ZqJJeBLQxTvKufvsnxB0k_cPmRKyHM/s1600/582731_4416290054711_585921849_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUSMdMTQEgWIUDp93YsCN8NxiMKB9qehEbVEycNUbX3PvU9nIGT__1pxyHAQ0xoQbaqGjgcXT-p88TYDpvEF_ivyKR_BrSHSHfzXRQyq2lI3Ru9ZqJJeBLQxTvKufvsnxB0k_cPmRKyHM/s320/582731_4416290054711_585921849_n.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I
grew up with Rachel, my twin, and we had a love hate relationship, as
I’m sure all girl-girl-twin’s do (the hormones don’t help). High school
was rough. I was positive Rachel was out to ruin my social life, and I
remember she felt that way pretty often as well. But if you ask my mom
(Diane), to this day she will admit that Rachel was definitely the
bigger problem. She was a rapscallion and we liked and disliked her for
this reason. Anyway, Rachel and I went to Mexico the summer of 2012 on a
humanitarian trip, and this is where she started to act sick. It never
seemed abnormal though. Later in the summer, we got in to the TV show
“Lost”, and ended up laying in my twin size bed together, all day, every
day for weeks watching our show. I was lazy, I didn’t realize that she
was fatigued. She was taking 6 hour naps each day soon after. So much
testing, nothing was wrong. But it was. Rachel was an athlete, and it
was so unlike her to feel so fatigued and dizzy. It was August 9<sup>th</sup>,
2012 I was nannying Brodey. I was about to take him to the pool, when I
got a call from Rachel who was at yet another dr. appointment. I
distinctly remember thinking, she has cancer, brain cancer. On the phone
she told me I needed to wait to go swimming till she got home.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">My
Mom and Rachel pulled up in the garage, and I was panicking. They made
their way inside where they sat at the counter. I tried to push them
asking over and over what was wrong. The silence and the tears lasted
for what felt like a lifetime. I kept praying my initial feeling was
wrong. They were both in tears. Finally, Rachel got the courage to tell
me she had a brain tumor—and it was cancerous. I was right, for the
first time that I didn’t want to be. I didn’t know what to think or how
to respond. But Rachel being the sassy girl she is, was quick to make it
known that she was going to get the thing cut out of her head, get back
to normal, and be running again by state track the next year. I left
and went to the pool, Rachel made me. I met some friends but kept the
news to myself, my whole family didn’t know yet. I kept thinking about
it, but didn’t know how scared I really should have been. That night she
was at Primary Children’s in SLC. I visited her, only to find out that
she had DIPG, and it was not going to get removed. Over the next few
months it became apparent that Rachel’s initial plans would not come to
pass.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The next few months I grew up really fast. I also missed more school than anyone should. Just a few words from my journal:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> “Rachel called me early this morning- crying. She was homesick and just wanted to hear my voice.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">“It scares me to think about Rachel’s cancer. What’s going to happen next, how many more Christmas’.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> “No one understands, and I am DYING on the inside. I wish someone would see it.”</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2LKX6SFk3tilfx8S9kb3V608uW8TOijOI9V9jlB_iUyQDy5khbZLhi2Oogspp4mRYt6gYkRN5cSqzql-chorGdgimRaKX5F_s8us0MpYCLTt_2zC3zxsXWhUgf4ovdVuQ1C1EbaPizIE/s1600/jordandrach2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2LKX6SFk3tilfx8S9kb3V608uW8TOijOI9V9jlB_iUyQDy5khbZLhi2Oogspp4mRYt6gYkRN5cSqzql-chorGdgimRaKX5F_s8us0MpYCLTt_2zC3zxsXWhUgf4ovdVuQ1C1EbaPizIE/s320/jordandrach2.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I
was dramatic. But that is how I felt. I was a high schooler that just
wanted a normal life back. I was withdrawn from my dad, and my mom and
Rachel were in Tennessee. And when they got back, Rachel was a different
person. Rachel gained weight, lost weight, got crazy side effects from
her steroids that affected not only her appearance, but her personality
(in more drastic ways that most would think). I would call her daily
when she was in Tennessee to quote a funny line from a TV show because I
was great at impersonating it, and she would laugh so hard. But
eventually the laughs stopped. That’s when I knew that something really
bad was happening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But
over time, Rachel found strength. She had different treatment types and
we saw improvements. She wasn’t normal, but she was close to the Rachel
I grew up with, and that was good enough for me. Until her health
declined. Cancer was a tease (I’d use a stronger word, but I’m trying to
be good about that). It would give me glimpses of hope for my future,
and then rip it out of my grasp. It was cruel and unfair to me and my
family, and most of all, it was Rachel’s personal hell. But she went
about her trial with courage, faith and strength.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-tQzUoEWMHtAHqhKnd_RpcKtbSqMnYfj_EV-SE27HTaB0phycR8_iXtMWVYblh5I6YDe3X_aNeZxvhsDHl0YN1gklhUKe-9CmMidMbjZfxaSOTTpiprlxZFfLtLzrvn5YhJbJXRkYXdk/s1600/10926180_10152982052417058_6079207996578134242_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-tQzUoEWMHtAHqhKnd_RpcKtbSqMnYfj_EV-SE27HTaB0phycR8_iXtMWVYblh5I6YDe3X_aNeZxvhsDHl0YN1gklhUKe-9CmMidMbjZfxaSOTTpiprlxZFfLtLzrvn5YhJbJXRkYXdk/s320/10926180_10152982052417058_6079207996578134242_o.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I’m
going to skip along so I don’t write an entire book here (skipping some
of the details here, because there are so many that are too painful to
write (regret, scary symptoms, fear, etc.)), but fast forward a couple
years. Dec. 5, 2014 my boyfriend proposed to me. Rachel was excited and
happy to help me plan the wedding. She was so healthy, working a TON,
having a social life. It was like the same old Rachel with edges that
were a little more round. I know she was excited for me, but she also
really struggled. Why wouldn’t she? Maybe that’s another twin thing… She
even recommended to my mom that my mom and I go to California together
since I had missed so much time and attention for the last few years
while her focus had to be elsewhere, keeping my sister alive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Here is where I’m going to get a little religious on you. I was sealed to my husband in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple on March 14<sup>th</sup>,
2015. My mom noticed Rachel’s symptoms starting to surface again that
night. The night I was married. What are the chances. I believe God left
her on this earth until I had someone to take care of me, because she
was the one keeping me together. Cooper needed to be in my life. I know
he did, because I wouldn’t be living today if I didn't have Cooper.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSdR2nySbEI-6HZLQuUZND_CldXJE5iEhMUcXUbePKK7r3S5kFxdsrt1Z9jkh0-dMW8XbY8brS45KrVeCXT9EygrE54FBS9lEe0bhsE09n_auYrcG9L5zq-Fx88xdrPq4Sn0limvSGroY/s1600/11329991_10152952577871375_556187206564326349_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSdR2nySbEI-6HZLQuUZND_CldXJE5iEhMUcXUbePKK7r3S5kFxdsrt1Z9jkh0-dMW8XbY8brS45KrVeCXT9EygrE54FBS9lEe0bhsE09n_auYrcG9L5zq-Fx88xdrPq4Sn0limvSGroY/s320/11329991_10152952577871375_556187206564326349_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">May
of that year, Rachel’s symptoms became so severe she needed to quit her
job at doTERRA. I had been having to walk her around the building
linking arms to keep her walking straight previously as we worked
together. I got the call that my mom had driven her there. I hadn’t seen
her this sick before. I went and helped her walk so my mom didn’t have
to come in. We sat in our boss’ office and she could barely get out the
words. I think she felt like she had failed or was giving up on herself.
I can’t imagine her pain. In fact, this is the first time I’ve cried
tonight as I’ve been typing the story. It was one of the most difficult
things I’ve ever had to witness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">For
months after that her symptoms worstened. She lost a lot of her sight,
hearing, ability to swallow, balance, walk, drink, etc.. If you’ve ever
watched anyone slowly cripple away to their death, I feel your pain. I
was driving over every night to see my twin. It was horrifying and the
most scarring experience I had ever been through or hope to go through
in my life. Just thinking about it tears me to pieces and causes me to
relive the deep pain that was felt at that time. For some reason, as
this happened, I tried to help her balance and walk and stand up on her
own, all in the hopes that she would bounce back like she had done so
many times before.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBgYv5xnSr5bpfAVZAgOWHlJ2sGCbkdgxOJqFGGOldf0OWNBIB8YhOO-QJsLijN-vCEnA-t-hHGC0B3ll462oX-jWZQajH8zPU7zBL9Geh27Bt9ighzBfbUIH9M1PF79rIdkvdNiKocO8/s1600/20150117_LOVEPROJECT_JORDYNANDRACHELSTRATTON_P4_0012.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBgYv5xnSr5bpfAVZAgOWHlJ2sGCbkdgxOJqFGGOldf0OWNBIB8YhOO-QJsLijN-vCEnA-t-hHGC0B3ll462oX-jWZQajH8zPU7zBL9Geh27Bt9ighzBfbUIH9M1PF79rIdkvdNiKocO8/s400/20150117_LOVEPROJECT_JORDYNANDRACHELSTRATTON_P4_0012.JPG" width="266" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">But
she didn’t bounce back. In fact, it continued to get worse and drug out
for longer than I could have ever imagined. In her last days, cancer
ripped away her health, dignity, and eventually mortal life, but it
didn’t take away her personality and most importantly her testimony of
her Savior Jesus Christ. She had faith in him.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">The
most difficult part of the last days with Rachel is that the entire
time her health declined, her mind did not. She was sharp. In fact, she
was almost sharper than she had ever been. She thought a lot. She was a
healthy mind, trapped in a nightmare. Rachel knew that she needed help
going to the bathroom. She knew she couldn’t use a spoon, let alone
swallow her food, and that someone was having to help her. Like I said,
she was trapped in a nightmare, and we had to watch, unable to do
anything. She never gave up. She fought, but ultimately she passed on
8/23/2015. One year ago today.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I
laid in bed for a few days by her side before she passed. We had some
sacred experiences together, but ultimately I prayed she would be
released. She is gone, and has been for a year. But she is not really
gone. I have felt her with me, and Thursday I know I will feel her again
as I perform her temple work. I am so humbled and eternally grateful.
Rachel turned in to a new person with cancer, I said that previously,
but ultimately, she turned in to the most Christ-Like, charitable,
funny, wise person I have ever met. Days before she passed I couldn’t be
in her presence without melting down. She knew I was struggling and she
knew why, and she was the one to comfort me. I wanted so badly to be
the strong one, but she lifted me up when I was down. I miss her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">I
can’t finish writing this, but maybe someday I’ll be able to. So I’ll
copy some of my thoughts from the talk I gave at her funeral:</span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>I
will miss the touch of Rachel’s long dainty fingers. Listening to her
tell me how much she loves me. I will miss watching her sass people and
the way she’d bite my fingers when I helped floss her teeth. I will miss
the way she locked me in to hugs, or brainstormed gifts for others. I
will miss hearing her sweet testimony and her contagious laugh. But I
know although I cannot see her, that she is very close. </i>I MISS MY TWIN, and EVERYTHING I said has left a hole in my heart.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Growing
up, we lived very close to our grandparents and visited often. My
favorite thing I learned from my grandma is that there are no goodbyes.
Each day I would leave her home and tell her goodbye on my way out, to
which she would respond, “No, it’s not “goodbye”, it’s “so long” or “see
you later”. When my grandma passed away, I said “so long”, to which I
now get to say to my sweet twin. This is not goodbye, just see you
later.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>She has won her battle and is now free from the pain and misery of a weak and broken body.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>I
know Christ lived and died for us. I know there is a plan. I know God
lives and loves each of us individually and will listen to us when we
pray. I am grateful for the way Rachel has touched my life and helped
inspire me to grow my testimony. I am grateful for the peace this gospel
can bring as we go through this trial and the rest of our mortal
experience.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">With
all this being said, I know so many people have it more difficult than
me. In fact, I strongly believe we're all pushed past our limits. But
this is my story. And I can't express a fraction of what it's been. Twin
bereavement is much different that other kinds, and I'm having to learn
how to navigate it. One year, and so many to go till I get to see my
sweet twin again. I guess that's why we're told to keep the perspective
of "this life is but a small moment".</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />Lastly
I want to say thank you. For prayers, love, and friendship. If you're
reading this, you've touched my life in some way or another.
Unfortunately, I let this trial make me ignorant of all the love and
support I had. But looking back, I couldn't be more grateful, because I
wouldn't have gotten through it without you, and most importantly my
Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Now
I'm done. I pray that you will count your blessings, hug a sibling, and
"think of all the beauty that is left around you" -Ann Frank. Because
that is what I have been trying to, and will continue to strive to do. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-image: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Jordyn</span></span></div>
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Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com59tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-14044241884250871002015-08-26T22:05:00.000-07:002015-08-27T00:38:14.477-07:00Obituary<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPklGwU552nIlGzoTno7SWjfiLi6p_iHGCnaKuIEGEChsi49uwV_ys9Yi5r7Z7bCeYan6I6Z1MZL39Jfhdx0nJx_zNzMyYZ7drGhc1EZUuKZ5Nm6soYb6PBQqC4DmImEG9rS39JQs8oWU/s1600/10547792_698692626852029_5698687755074402401_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPklGwU552nIlGzoTno7SWjfiLi6p_iHGCnaKuIEGEChsi49uwV_ys9Yi5r7Z7bCeYan6I6Z1MZL39Jfhdx0nJx_zNzMyYZ7drGhc1EZUuKZ5Nm6soYb6PBQqC4DmImEG9rS39JQs8oWU/s400/10547792_698692626852029_5698687755074402401_o.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
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(photo credit: <a href="http://behance.net/janecreative" target="_blank">Jane Groom</a>)</div>
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Rachel Elyse Stratton</div>
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1995-2015</div>
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After 20 short years on this earth, Rachel Elyse Stratton returned to her Father in Heaven during the early hours of August 23, 2015. Her battle with cancer was only a small portion of her time with us, but she used that time to inspire people at home and around the world. </div>
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“I believe I am my own statistic,” she wrote on her blog, and she set out to prove it was true. In 2012, she was diagnosed with DIPG and given nine months to live. Throughout her trial, she never had a bad attitude. Rather, she found positive in the negative, and constantly looked for new ways to challenge herself and uplift others. Rachel had a deep desire to serve a mission, and although the cancer prevented her from an official call, she came to understand that her blog was her mission. </div>
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Through her blog she inspired thousands. She was never afraid to say the hard things, or speak the truth. She refused to give-in. “I do hard things, but I'm not doing them alone. The Lord has blessed me with so many tender mercies through this trial. The medicines and everything may be healing my body but I know it's through Him that we are truly healed.” Rachel’s life was a testament to faith and a wonderful example of perseverance and strength. </div>
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After her diagnosis Rachel did not slow down. She not only continued to do the things she loved to do, she focused on improving her talents and learning new skills. Besides returning to school and earning a promotion at work, she was an avid reader and a prolific writer, who pursued numerous hobbies including: sewing, quilting, playing the piano, and watercolors among many other things. With a close friend, she also made a business called <i>Mindless</i>, selling sewn goods to raise money for childhood cancer research. Although her illness presented challenges, Rachel faced them with the same tenacity and high spirits displayed throughout her life, turning challenges into opportunities. </div>
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Rachel attended Foothill Elementary, Canyon View Junior High, and graduated from LDS Seminary and Orem High School in 2013, where she was awarded “Most Inspirational Senior”. Rachel loved being outdoors. She ran Varsity track and cross-country for four years, and in 2012, she helped the team win a state championship. Known as “Big Rach” to some, her personality was as big as her love for family and friends. </div>
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She is survived and missed by her parents Chad and Diane Stratton, brother Devin Stratton, sisters Lauren Stratton, Heather Hafen (Cody Hafen), and identical twin Jordyn Swenson (Cooper Swenson).</div>
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Rachel’s family would like to thank IHC Homecare & Hospice, St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, Primary Children’s Hospital, Make-A-Wish Foundation, and doctors Jim, J. Clark and Bradley Anderson.</div>
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A viewing will be held the evening of Friday, August 28 from 6 to 8 pm at the Walker Sanderson Funeral Home located at 646 East 800 North, Orem, UT. An additional viewing will be held prior to the Funeral Services on Saturday, August 29<sup>th</sup> from 9:30 to 10:45 a.m. at the Orem Orchard Stake Center. Funeral services will begin at 11:00 a.m. in the Orem Orchard Stake Center on 600 North 800 East, Orem, UT. In lieu of flowers donations can be made to www.thecurestartsnow.org in Rachel’s name. </div>
Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com47tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-55012615190154132132015-08-23T15:27:00.003-07:002015-08-27T00:38:37.953-07:00August 23<div class="p1">
<span class="s1">After a long and hard week, around 1:07 this morning we had the sacred experience to be with Rachel as she transitioned from her broken body to a beautiful world free from the pains and sorrows of this mortal life. She was surrounded and held by our family as she received the best early Christmas present she could have ever asked for. The heartbreak we feel is accompanied by both peace and happiness. We are ecstatic that she is no longer bound and trapped inside her physical body, free from the suffering and misery she has endured. </span></div>
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<span class="s1">I will continue to update her blog as I have promised, and will make sure to post her obituary and information about funeral services. Thanks for all of your comments, love, prayers, and support over the last three years. </span></div>
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(photo credit: <a href="http://behance.net/janecreative" target="_blank">Jane Groom</a>)</div>
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;"><br /></span></span>Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com175tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-77554112786661008942015-08-21T18:56:00.002-07:002015-08-21T19:13:56.556-07:00An UpdateThis is Lauren, Rachel's older sister. It has become evident that the end of Rachel's miserable battle is near. As we've spent our time today holding her hand and talking about all of the mischief she's made, I picked up her computer and started to read some of the things she has written. I thought I'd share some of those in this post, and will continue to do so. Before I do that though, I want to share something that we (Rachel and I) didn't get around to in her last post.<br />
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Rachel has always loved Christmas. So much so that she began sewing her <b>first</b> Christmas quilt this year at the end of March. Allow me emphasize: <b>first</b> Christmas quilt. She went on to finish her second one in July. Rachel loves Christmas because she loves giving people gifts, and she always gives the best and most thoughtful gifts. She also always gives everyone at least one gift (usually more), even when we have drawn names. Our family, and I'm sure many of her friends are used to being put to shame every holiday. Rachel decided that our family was going to have early Christmas this year, on August 25. Just after our brother Devin returns from Alaska. Ever since this decision, she has been online shopping and pestering everyone non-stop to help her accumulate her Christmas for everyone. I would love to make a list here of presents I know she has procured for other family members, but I can't risk ruining any surprises. To describe her mountain of gifts as extravagant doesn't do it justice. Rachel has always been completely selfless, even during these last few miserable weeks.<br />
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Here is a peek at some of the things Rachel wrote that have made me laugh today:<br />
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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is not true or
poetic to me, sorry Kelly Clarkson.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When we were little we were in the Scrabble club. We weren’t
in it because we liked the game of Scrabble, or even that we knew how to play
it. We were in it for the sugar. But every once in a while, the only candy that
was left was Atomic Fireballs. Sometimes all that life has left to throw at you
is the hot and awful stuff.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was speaking to the scouts and asked them what age they think
people normally get this kind of cancer and they said 89,41, etc. I told them
6-7 year old boys before I could even think about it and got some pretty wild
expressions. I guess that’s why they tell you it’s important to remember who your
audience is.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<br />Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com112tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-52710058036162835372015-08-17T17:22:00.000-07:002015-08-17T17:22:34.932-07:00RoughI feel horrible. I look forward to my nightly walk with my dad. I'm still coherent but my body is really slow. I sit in my chair mostly and think about random people from my past, and who is feeding me my next meal.<br />
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<br />Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-74344585743089380922015-08-03T10:09:00.001-07:002015-08-03T10:15:24.504-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Now I know why old people are so grumpy. I feel horrible. </div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"> I got my hair cut. That's the most excitement that I've had in days.</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com37tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-59454868335229991792015-07-19T19:23:00.003-07:002015-07-19T19:23:31.884-07:00<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">It took a lot of courage to post a picture a couple of days ago. I was really grateful for all the kind words I received. Life is so hard to live right now. I keep thinking "I better have lots of blessings waiting;)."<br />I joke about exercise being disgusting, but in all reality that's what I hope for. I just want to run again.<br /><br />My mom talks about the sun a lot and how it's going to rise and how we take for granted God watching over us. How annoying to have to make the sun go around over and over.<br />People think running on the track makes them dizzy. But how true. We are watcöhed over and most of the time I know I take it for granted. I know i need to realize who gives me life.<br /><br />I make "ugh I have to do everything for you" comment. I'm like a toddler though. My mom literally puts food in my mouth for me.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRVAY7oEMfQYpcVATP0gMdMkLAuNWJsRrEwvzwGxj0_PkbNG0ZvpJTm3KNtcaq9vos3L9CiKE14FPcF-_du3FXItZPWgzBdDYhb0Of7TbOWtcKWtrry-5CUxnsBchUEVkzcLiMQlhaiyA/s1600/20150719_183252.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRVAY7oEMfQYpcVATP0gMdMkLAuNWJsRrEwvzwGxj0_PkbNG0ZvpJTm3KNtcaq9vos3L9CiKE14FPcF-_du3FXItZPWgzBdDYhb0Of7TbOWtcKWtrry-5CUxnsBchUEVkzcLiMQlhaiyA/s320/20150719_183252.jpg" width="180" /></a></span></div>
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<img src="cid:D140B20A-3067-4EA2-916C-CB736E61B74B" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /><span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><br /><br /><br />Somebody that had once been fighting a less severe battle her whole life asked me " oh. So you haven't been fighting for very long?" I was so upset because I feel like it's been a long time. Time seems to drag on forever. I am so glad that time doesn't exist in heaven it gets me through hard times down here.<br /><br />My life is really hard but it helps when I look at showering and getting dressed as a service for other people. Ha ha. </span><br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span>
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0980392); background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0); color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Rachel</span>Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-87057627784930555612015-07-15T12:45:00.001-07:002015-07-15T12:45:08.811-07:00<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I have come to the conclusion that hope is what we want it and make it to be. I can't talk, walk and everything between but I can still hope. It's pretty embarrassing being 20 and having some people look at me different like I'm 2. The funny thing is when people think I know something but I took 20 years to find out Genovia isn't a real country.Do you really think I know the secret of life?</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">"I thought a lot today about things inside but I couldn't tell anyone." I wrote, well I have the people around me write in 2 journals each night. That's what I had written for yesterday. It's true I think a lot-normally but I cant say it. It stinks.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I don't really do anything besides eat and sleep but visitors exhaust me, so I'll update everybody this way.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I'm not doing well but I have a lot of peace. That's what counts I guess.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So I'm still hanging in there. Barely but surely. And I'll keep hanging until I can sew (with energy) again.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Much love</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">And a big thanks for your love, prayers and kind words--</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Rachel</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSj8PRlNtG31GWMroBAXbtgsoclF9WOjpWGIyYCJNlPv9IC9yIdjZhZn5chyXutjsvZOtT47jP7ad65kaDru0mSPA-uF4kRcMK6UwCoZ42HKAZ8j6Ic0EopbpDiq9odcGIgUF8PP0bAuo/s1600/IMG_1974.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSj8PRlNtG31GWMroBAXbtgsoclF9WOjpWGIyYCJNlPv9IC9yIdjZhZn5chyXutjsvZOtT47jP7ad65kaDru0mSPA-uF4kRcMK6UwCoZ42HKAZ8j6Ic0EopbpDiq9odcGIgUF8PP0bAuo/s320/IMG_1974.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com58tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-90159247341696623622015-07-12T20:29:00.000-07:002015-07-12T20:29:16.977-07:00<div class="MsoNormal">
Hello!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m still keepin’ on. It stinks cause I am still am fully coherent
but I have a hard time talking and basically everything I do is hard for
me. My mom made me walk back and forth
along the banister 3 times and I got
exhausted. This trial has made me really
wonder if God is real, I can’t say for everyone but I believe strongly in
God. My alternative doctor talks about
hope and the world’s view of it. I will
always have heavenly hope.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Rachel</div>
Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com90tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-41808832463611568732015-07-07T17:47:00.002-07:002015-07-07T18:09:04.202-07:00Hi!<br />
<br />
I'm still hangin in there!<br />
It's super hard but I know it will be worth it.<br />
I'm pretty grumpy most days I get through it by eating Simply Cheetos White Cheddar (no preservatives so I guess they are healthier) and telling people my mom hits me. Her reaction is pretty funny and it's energizing so I keep saying it.<br />
Other than that I order stuff online,that's pretty much all I do- seriously.<br />
I feel pretty worthless (because I can't help out at home) and ugly because the right side of my face is numb and so my smile looks pretty weird. My right eye doesn't close anymore so my eye is bloodshot and I can hardly see out of it. My tongue is numb so it makes it hard for me to talk and for others to understand me. I am deaf in my right ear and that makes hearing hard. Blowing my nose is hard because it hurts my head and so I am stuffed up most of the time. I could go on but you get the idea and I hate it. Oh well I guess though! I'll just keep telling people my mom hits me.<br />
<br />
Rachel<br />
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ps- I hate pictures so I probably won't post any.Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-82992794280891563762015-06-14T17:55:00.004-07:002015-06-17T21:29:28.772-07:00<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">I'm hanging in there. I told Diane and Jordyn that I don't know the pain of having a baby but that i would well prefer it over these headaches.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">Besides that I'm working on another Christmas quilt. I'm feeling stronger than a couple weeks ago. Not strong enough to run a 5k by myself. But I can still sit up by myself.-ish..</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">It's ridiculous how hard it is to eat. No joke it takes me hours to eat a meal. I'm also working with my sister Lauren on an etsy shop! It's fun and gives me something to focus on!! </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">You can find my new Etsy shop in my blog sidebar, or by clicking this link... <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/shopbramble" target="_blank">ShopBramble</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">I feel like someone said wait here I'll be right back. And I'm continually waiting for whoever to show up but it's been so long i don't know that they're ever going. It helps that I am constantly reminded of my strength. But I can't help but wonder regardless where they are.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">okay-thats the best update i am currently capable of giving </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">(typing this finger by finger)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">Rachel!</span>Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-27379682174789701792015-06-03T15:17:00.000-07:002015-06-03T15:20:19.833-07:00Pain Pain Go Away<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">I'm still fighting aka I am still breathing. You wouldn't believe how hard it can be. Right now the worst thing I'm dealing with are mini migraines- I honestly feel horrible but I'm taking all this in and enjoying it the best that I can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">In the mornings I wake up and spend a couple hours in bed getting my bearings. I'm trying to also eat a lot of good food so I can keep my weight up and stable. Then I usually shower than sit in bed and let ideas collect in my head and try to accomplish them at night.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">I am trying to make the best out of these long days and it is not easy but I am successful. I have realized that nobody gets it easy but </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">when I lay down at night I do not feel defeated and I think that's because of the attitude that I have been blessed with.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">It's still hard to focus and type this but I am doing it piece by piece in my phone and trying my best. I would say don't judge, but that seems childish.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.727272033691406px;">-Rachel</span><br />
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My great buddy!</div>
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Hi! Selfie from the car! Oh! I made that shirt I'm wearing last year!</div>
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My attempt to water color</div>
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My sister Lauren taught me how to screen print, I cut out the fabric and I am not sewing wonderfully so Diane did that. The mask was still my brain child!</div>
Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-21684370743878874322015-05-28T08:55:00.000-07:002015-05-28T08:55:05.300-07:00Pray AwayFeel free to pray for me, I am not doing well. I have felt terrible for about the last week, and things seem to keep persisting.<br />
I can hardly type because I am so weak, so this can't be too much longer, I just wanted to quickly post some things I believe.<br />
<br />
I believe in God and I believe he loves me even when I can't tell that he does.<br />
<br />
I believe God is listening even when I can't tell that he is.<br />
<br />
I believe I am being comforted even when I can't sense anyone or thing there.<br />
<br />
I believe my life is full of tender mercies even when I don't see his hand in my life.<br />
<br />
I believe in tomorrow, even when today was hard to live.<br />
<br />
I can do hard things<br />
-RachRachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com61tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-70306029583897175912015-05-24T20:39:00.003-07:002015-05-24T20:39:44.474-07:00Repeat<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel like I am on a constant and never ending loop. I feel
like nothing will ever be “over” even if we sometimes want it to be. My life is
like a crappy TV show (because there’s a sudden obsession with the life of a
cancer patient). Really high high’s and really low low’s- and during the whole
thing it’s all uncomfortable and dramatic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes I get upset with where I am because it is so
visibly underwhelming- I guess I sometimes let that get to me. In the beginning
I was like “I don’t need any kind of recognition to feel accomplished” when the
real truth is, even if it’s an affirming sentiment relayed by Diane, I am
better off when I am told I am doing good, or I am making my family proud, etc.
I am not currently trying to seek something out, I am just typing something I’ve
found out about myself.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I keep getting these mini migraines- so I am not really up
to the task of writing but I wanted to at least record that I’m still alive! (Hooray.)
But I started going to BYU! Me- a college student! (Before you clap- I’m
enrolled in one class) and I’m still working. For the last few weeks- my family
has heard very few things come out of my mouth besides my “need for a massage
chair”. Retail therapy exists. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s been such a long “in between” stage. I’m pretty ready
for something new- I think!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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Rachel</div>
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{taken by: itty bitty beautiful <a href="http://www.maria-corona.com/" target="_blank">maria corona</a>}</div>
<o:p></o:p>Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-36625872455437036352015-03-21T20:09:00.001-07:002015-03-21T20:09:08.456-07:00Training!<div style="text-align: center;">
My sister Heather is the most competitive person you can probably ever encounter. It's sort of hysterical, and it makes you love her so much more than you already do. Along with her competing spirit comes motivation. She has motivated me to start {really} running again. </div>
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So that's what I did today!</div>
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And I think I died.</div>
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Look at me go! I ran 2 laps, and walked to laps.</div>
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So I'm going to be able to run a 90 second 400 meter by July, I'm so motivated! We're also planning on running the 4th of July 5k, which would have been a partial Saturday run in early 2012. Now, it's a monumental achievement I'm hoping to attain.</div>
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Heather is going to be my coach! I don't think she knew what she was getting into until this morning, but that's her fault, right? I'm super motivated. We'll see how long it lasts. Hopefully at least until July, 4th right?</div>
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It's been really busy lately, and my health has kept up with my activities, and I still don't have any sort of symptoms from dumb brain cancer. I am deathly tired from the run this morning, but other than that am feeling amazing!</div>
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Rachel!</div>
Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-26219383357420393862015-01-22T22:01:00.002-08:002015-01-22T22:13:32.539-08:00Things I ForgotSo first off, I made it to the appointment about my memory which coincidentally I don't know if I wrote about in the last post or not. But he further confirmed our suspicions about my impaired memory and will hopefully get me on the right track to getting healthy again. Apparently the worst thing I could be doing right now is online school. So in the fall I am going to try and get back into {real} school. FINALLY, (and I'm really looking forward to it).<br />
<br />
So a couple things I forgot to say:<br />
<br />
<br />
We went to NYC in November. Me, my twin Jordyn, Chad and Diane. It was the funnest thing ever, and I had so much energy the whole time. I'd say I had the most energy out of the whole group but Diane might have topped me. I spent some good time in Fabric stores, and really enjoyed Les Mis and Phantom of the Opera with Jordyn. It was fun walking around the city just me and her, it was like we were old or something wild.<br />
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<br />
I got a beautiful new sewing machine that's 100% my own and I feel very lucky. I love sewing by the way. My mom's been teaching me since I was really young and I am super glad that it's something I know how to do well now!<br />
<br />
I started wearing contacts!!<br />
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My brother does a Christmas tree bonfire every year and they had over 200 trees this year and it was awesome! I wasn't even overly tired this year!<br />
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<br />
I spoke to a bunch of scouts the other day about the power of a positive attitude and their responses to some of my questions were hilarious. I don't remember most of them but my favorite part was how innocent they were.<br />
<br />
Anyways, I'm suddenly drawing a blank on what I've done for the past few months, so either I've wasted a lot of time or have a little more work to do on getting that radiation impaired memory back.<br />
{I can do hard things.}<br />
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Enjoy this picture of me closing my eyes, almost:<br />
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haha.</div>
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rach.Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-78133192301189881372015-01-15T10:53:00.003-08:002015-01-15T10:53:55.872-08:002015I apologize for not having written in such a long time. But--- I AM ALIVE! It's sort of incredible how big the miracle I was just delivered is. I always believed in miracles and hoped for miracles- especially for my healing- but I didn't know how much faith I lacked until I received my miracle. I am alive, and I feel horrible for saying it especially around others that I've met during this experience, but I found it necessary and healthy to be able to say those things without feeling a tremendous surge of guilt.<br />
<br />
So right now my trial is figuring out how to live a normal life again. I was at primary children's 2 days ago and they are all still so blown away with how well I am doing. Nobody really understands what's going on. I think my doctor puts it best when she says "well... I do believe in miracles," I guess that would mean I'd be an idiot if I didn't.<br />
<br />
The only thing that I am currently struggling with is some after affects of Radiation. I have a hard time with memorization and recalling things off the top of my head, (especially names, so please forgive me)! I am seeing a psychologist next Tuesday about trying to fix those areas of my brain with some long test, and it's honestly sort of terrifying. When he said there would be an IQ exam my heart kind of sunk. He then went on to ask me my ACT score- let's just say I am definitely not a test taker but reassured me that his score was even lower than mine, so I feel like this will be a good, non-condescending visit.<br />
<br />
I say non-condescending because a few weeks ago I went to see a counselor at UVU to try and help get me back into an actual school setting, (right now I am doing online BYU classes and it's been horribly hard for me), I have a much better time with an actual teacher who is actually willing to help answer questions, (even though I do have a teacher currently who has been incredible). Back to the counselor thing- he was extremely condescending. "Well you let your application to the school expire so there's another road block you have" and "You're going to need to do the math accuplacer test, and not the english one, but honestly I'm putting a block on your account so you will need to take both because you've probably lost a lot of knowledge in the last 2 years that you've basically wasted."<br />
<br />
Okay maybe that was a bit dramatic, but not much. He was awful and horrible and told me how many roadblocks I have in my way simply because I chose to wait. Well excuse me for surviving the worst kind of brain tumor you can be diagnosed with. But I'm not going to let it get in my way. I 'm going to try for fall. I am hoping to be able to have full learning abilities, because going from getting [almost] pure A's, to failing classes takes a blow on me mentally.<br />
<br />
Whenever I get anxious, my lip goes numb. If you remember right, my lips were numb when the cancer was back and bad. I've realized in my life that God wants me to be at peace and he doesn't want us to get stressed out and anxious. So now I'm taking this as a little sign-- a "Rachel, quit being dumb" kind of a sing.<br />
<br />
Honestly if I could erase one thing from this cancer journey and still have my miracle- I wouldn't. Everything not only played a key aspect in my healing but in my emotional, physical and spiritual growth. You go from being a State-athlete to three months later not being able to do a push up. So much was literally stripped from my body- but I have received so much in return.<br />
<br />
So now with my life I am:<br />
Trying to finish some online classes<br />
Sewing a lot (Diane bought me a brand new sewing machine and it is beautiful)<br />
Working-tons<br />
Writing in journals<br />
Crafting<br />
<br />
and whatever else I feel like.<br />
<br />
I am trying my hardest to find my way back into a normal 19 year old's life, and I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy. It's been a real challenge. But I am hoping to start writing more and keeping y'all updated with what's going on and how I am healing in this journey that I have taken on.<br />
<br />
<br />
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I can do hard things!<br />
<br />
Rach!<br />
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In the following pictures- please examine the regular size of my face, lack of acne and oh, an engaged girl! MY TWIN IS ENGAGED, and I'm so excited for her and also a little bitter, but mostly excited!!!<br />
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It feels weird to be in the hospital because I only have to get a checkup once every three months now!!! AHHHHH!<br />
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Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-2295127057577579652014-10-09T10:47:00.000-07:002014-10-09T10:50:12.747-07:00Movin from MemphisToday I am particularly grateful, and that's because two years ago from today I moved home from Memphis. I am thankful that I have been home and around this long, it seems crazy that about 110 weeks ago, I thought I would only make it MAYBE 40 weeks. The time has gone by really fast and really slow, but what matters most is that the perpetual terrifying fear of dying- I no longer have. I also have been very blessed to have so many people- most of who I don't even know, pray for me.<br />
I'm also really lucky because some of the best people I have ever talked to and am good friends with now, I have met through my blog. The expectation for this blog in the beginning was to keep all of my family and friends updated while I was going through treatment in Memphis, and I've been so blessed to have been prayed for in so many states, countries, and religions because of it.<br />
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Oh, and guess who got their port out! This girl! My doctors told me I don't need it anymore (when in April they told me I had to stop chemo but had to keep the port to be on hospice). It's crazy that I'm still alive because I had a nurse admit to me in June that in May she didn't think that I would make it a week from my April visit. So so so very blessed.<br />
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I've been thinking lately how fast time is going by. While I was in Memphis, time was still, and each minute felt like a 1/2 hour. I was miserable and depressed (dexamethasone, remember?) But I made it through! This year since August 9th, I hardly remember too much happening, I've been so busy, and time has gone by so fast, and I am so thankful for that because while I was in Memphis, I thought time would never be the same again.<br />
I don't have too much else to say, besides thank you for the emails/comments that I still get frequently. I love to hear peoples story, where they're from and what led them to my blog, it fascinates me.<br />
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I can do hard things!<br />
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Rachel<br />
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ps</div>
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LOOK HOW LONG MY HAIR IS!!!</div>
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Even my bald spot where the dr. shaved putting my shunt in is growing fast!</div>
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Me getting my port out! I'm a great patient!</div>
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Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com46tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-11413096243969789372014-08-11T08:29:00.001-07:002014-08-11T08:29:05.595-07:002 year cancerversaryLast Saturday I celebrated my 2 year cancerversary! I can't believe it's been two years since I started this journey, and I've learned so much from it. I was thinking about it yesterday and came to the conclusion that:<div>
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APPRECIATION COMES FROM DISCOMFORT.</div>
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I've learned so much, but especially how to appreciate things. I really believe what I wrote above. I also believe that it's important to appreciate things, even when you aren't particularly comfortable. I keep thinking about when (eventually) I die. I do believe in an afterlife. But I keep wondering (because "they" say it's so amazing), what it is in heaven. Is everything really more beautiful and incredible, or is our capability to appreciate more beautiful and incredible? Those are the things I like to wonder about when we go to heaven, instead of all the other things. That's the reason when anybody has asked me if I'm scared through this whole experience, my answer is "no". Why worry about the things we don't have to?</div>
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Anyways, I am so appreciative of all the support I've gotten through this whole thing. I am so thankful that I am so healthy right now. And I'm especially grateful that this trial has opened my eyes to see beauty in everything. (Well almost everything, I'll probably always hate hiking, but the mountains are beautiful).</div>
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I can do hard things!</div>
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Rachel<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com53tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-73004682851076468622014-07-20T10:28:00.003-07:002014-07-20T10:28:50.022-07:00Learning to LiveToday is July 20th and it also marks one more day in my calendar of life, and in 20 short days it will be the 9th of August, which also marks my 2 year cancerversary. Almost two years I was given nine months to live, and I am so incredibly grateful that I'm still here.<br />
So I had my regular appointment back in April (when I wasn't doing very well), and every appointment since has been so good. Every appointment since has been very interesting because not only have I learned that back at my April appointment they were going to put me on hospice, but that they didn't expect me to live for one week. Didn't know I was doing so horribly, did ya?<br />
Really the only reason that I'm still alive is because (what I believe at least), is my faith in God, and the alternative treatment I have been doing since January.<br />
I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I have been so blessed. I literally have 0 symptoms still, and the next MRI that was supposed to be done at the beginning of this month, is now "up to me" if I even want to do one.<br />
Even one of my Dr.'s who was very skeptical about the whole thing, and let's face it, probably very forlorn, has been acting very hopeful lately. She even said at one of my last appointments, "well I do believe in miracles."<br />
Even one of my Memphis Dr.'s was on the phone with my mom and bluntly told her, "Diane, she has a stage 4 brain stem glioma," as if to change her optimism into realism.<br />
Honestly if I had to do it all over again with the knowledge that I have now, I wouldn't do any of this western medicine nonsense. I am definitely not against any of it, and if I wouldn't have had that back surgery I'd be dead, but besides that it never did me any good.<br />
I was on 4 different types of chemotherapy and not one of them worked. (Understanding that every cancer is different but DIPG is an incurable, inoperable and altogether really crappy). I did three different rounds of radiation (that only shrunk it for a while, making it grow back with a vengeance). I've had three different surgeries, and the worst of it all: was on high doses of dexamethasone for (what felt like forever), but was just over 2 months.<br />
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What I did gain from all of this was:<br />
An appreciation for people with cancer, and other serious health problems.<br />
An appreciation for people who have depression or mental issues.<br />
An appreciation for people in the field of health and medicine.<br />
An appreciation that everybody has a life with a purpose.<br />
An understanding that life isn't only rainbows.<br />
A higher pain tolerance.<br />
A better attitude.<br />
A happiness to bloom where I am planted.<br />
A realization that psychologists and psychiatrists aren't a bad thing.<br />
A broadening of my perspective of the world.<br />
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So I guess if I had to take it all back, I wouldn't because I'd be giving up too much, but I wouldn't spend so much time wondering and wishing for something that I didn't know was in God's plan for me.<br />
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I helped a stranger with something this week and she told me "You have an incredible brain."<br />
At first I thought to myself "little does she know." But then I realized that everybody, cancer or not, has an incredible brain.<br />
Because of having brain cancer I've realized how wonderful the brain is and how much it does and controls. I think about it all the time. I think about how intricate it is, and how even the smartest people can't understand exactly how it works. And then it brings me to the other thought about the creation, (because obviously you think about those things when someone tells you that you have nine months to live), and I think about believing in a God and how unrealistic that can seem to some people. But when I think about the brain, the thought of having a God is all too believable to me.<br />
What I don't understand is how something as complex as the brain could be explained by a massive collision. I do understand that was probably the creation of the earth, but I don't believe that seriously, with the intricacy of our brains, that there is no God. I can't believe that because of the things I've been through and the experiences I have had.<br />
I also realize that some people don't believe, and that other people believe in different things and different God's and even multiple God's. And even though I believe completely in my religion, I think that is wonderful. I think that believing in something is incredible. I love believing in something, (someone). I love believing in an idea that is so real to me, and that I've invested great amounts of faith in. I love and respect that other people believe in other things they have invested their faith into. I love having faith and believing in something that makes all of the bad things in my life A LOT less scary. I am grateful that I have such a loving God.<br />
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Anyways, I'm going to stop ranting and be done.<br />
But there it is.<br />
((I can do hard things) always implied).<br />
Rach<br />
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I still have to have my port flushed once a month.</div>
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But I like to do it by myself.</div>
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Next to my Dr.</div>
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Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-91796557210529677662014-06-29T15:20:00.000-07:002014-06-29T21:20:30.034-07:00RecoveryI know I haven't posted in a while, and I guess it's because I haven't felt like it. But I realize there's a difference between not feeling like doing something and not feeling up to doing something. Since I've been feeling up to doing something lately, I need to be grateful and run with it, so here I go.<br />
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Everything is getting so much better. My life is starting to feel somewhat more normal, mainly because I'm not getting something foreign surgically lodged under my skin, throwing up, sleeping 20 hours daily, tingling up my fingers and on my tongue, or seeing 4 of something singular.<br />
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I'm enjoying all the fun pointless things I've gotten to do for the last few months because of my health. But now that things are looking up for me, it's time for me to try and start living normally! So I am starting a new job tomorrow and am looking forward to having some sort of a responsibility aside from 3+ Dr.'s appointments weekly.<br />
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I'm still on the same diet that I've been on since around January:<br />
No preservatives<br />
No msg<br />
No gmo<br />
No white/enriched flour<br />
No red meat<br />
No artificial colors/flavors<br />
No sugar<br />
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The other day me and my mom were shopping when she picked one of my old favorite treats up and then put it back down, feeling bad that unlike her, I couldn't eat it. So Diane naturally apologized and I realized that life is sweeter than any treat that I could eat. I am so grateful that unlike my diagnosis, I continue to keep- not only living- but enjoying the life I live.<br />
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I keep a gratitude journal where every day I write one page of one thing I am grateful for and why. It has been what has helped me through this time that was starting to look scary before it began looking amazing.<br />
It's so interesting to me that beforehand I have tried keeping a gratitude journal and writing a page full of things I am thankful for and have massively failed. But when I focus on something- just one thing- every day that I love and have a tremendous amount of gratitude for, I am not only able to keep the journal-ing consistent, day by day, but that I am beginning to believe what I have to live for and feel happier.<br />
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I have been through a lot of pain this year alone. In January and April I had surgeries that were putting foreign objects into my body, lots of chemo, some radiation, and a lot of hair loss, headaches, heartbreaks and nausea. I remember the January (port placement) surgery, when I first got home from the hospital I looked at myself in the mirror and remember feeling nauseated. Now I know a lot of people have bigger problems and that they're way more cut up than me- but that's besides the point. I saw what I claim is my third boob (the port in my chest), and just felt sick. I remember how red the scar above it was, wiggling it back and forth beneath my skin and the way the three bumps irritated my fingertips.<br />
It was so creepy to me and I could hardly breathe when I saw the tube going up my chest and into my neck where it disappeard into a vein, and then into my heart.<br />
Three months later I found myself in a hospital bed again getting another foreign object lodged in a man made hole of my skull/brain with a visible tube to where my port is, which then disappears into my stomach, releasing spinal fluid. Because all normal brains need help draining their spinal fluid-not.<br />
This time came with some radiation, a head shaving and some bald spots, but supposedly relieving me from a harsher life end than to be expected normally. ((Even though bumping "the button" for too long could cause violent vomiting, severe headaches, and even cause a coma that can lead to death), and people wonder why I am irrational when they are close to, or even seem a threat to my head).<br />
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I have a hard time sharing my success to people that also have cancer, especially my same kind. I think it was because my friend Savannah (the one with leukemia from St. Jude) didn't tell me when she went into remission. And when I finally figured it out, I asked her why she didn't tell me about it, and she told me she didn't want to brag. (She's amazing). But at that point I realized that whenever I saw any success at all- even in the times I didn't care to see any- that there were many other who weren't seeing that same success and that I need to feel grateful, instead of throwing myself the usual pity party (which usually included peanut butter m&m's until I stopped eating sugar).<br />
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What I'm getting to is my success. I have experienced a lot. I have been extremely blessed and I am very happy that my life has not been ruined because I chose to look at one bad thing instead of looking at the million other-maybe smaller-things that were going good for me and that I have been blessed with.<br />
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I went on two runs this last week. It was only to the end of the street and around the church, but I went on two runs this week. RUNS! I haven't enjoyed exercise since diagnosis- to understate the matter. But I am starting to enjoy things that I used to love again! I may not be able to run a 59 second 400 meter or a 20 minute 5k anymore, but I can run, and I can see straight, and not limp, and I am grateful for that.<br />
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My new job is in a city about 20 minutes away from, so it's a good thing that my eyes have corrected so that I can safely commute.<br />
My fingers are in amazing shape, and not only can I type this up quickly, but I can also play the piano accurately.<br />
I got to go to the Manti Pageant yesterday and I didn't need to be wheeled in my wheel chair for 1 second of the entire thing because I have strength, and can walk straight.<br />
My life has gotten so much better, I am more positive, I am healthier, I am kinder, I am more productive, and I am enjoying things that the cancer-free Rachel enjoys.<br />
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I am so grateful for all the prayers that have been offered in my behalf, and I'm so thankful that so many people believe in such an amazing, mysterious, and healing Father in Heaven and are helping to bless me through it.<br />
I am grateful I have a religion (LDS), and a family from those who also believe either in my religion, or outside of it.<br />
Thank you<br />
I can do hard things<br />
Rach<br />
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As always- some pictures.<br />
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Anyways, I feel great, I have tons of energy, and I've been happy! I have been working really hard on my online school and am having tons of fun cooking lots!<br />
I even taught relief society this last week on the talk I Will Not Fail Thee Nor Forsake Thee by Thomas S Monson. I learned so much from preparing and teaching the lesson. I highly suggest reading it!<br />
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Even though I am not so sure that no more chemo is a good thing- I am incredibly grateful that I don't have to do that any more. My body is finally starting to get its energy back and feel strong again, and I love it! I am hoping to go to school next semester. I am going to keep doing my online school as well. I believe that knowledge is eternal, so no matter what happens to me, knowledge will be beneficial. Plus I love learning new things.<br />
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My hands aren't tingly anymore so I've been playing the piano lots! I am playing in my recital this weekend and love the fact that I can use my hands good again.My eyes are still doing well too.<br />
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Thank you for all your prayers, I truly believe that's why I'm still here, because to put it bluntly, I shouldn't be. I am almost to month 22 and I couldn't be loving this extra time I've been given, more.<br />
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So please continue to pray!<br />
I can do hard things!<br />
Rach<br />
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Two of my good friends married each other!</div>
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Memorial day was wonderful</div>
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<br />Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-63173193861390390852014-05-09T17:17:00.002-07:002014-05-09T17:18:18.556-07:0021 monthsToday marks 21 months since I was diagnosed with the rarest and deadliest kind of brain cancer.<br />
It also marks 1 year past that 9 month expiration that they gave me. So it's kind of a huge deal! I had a Primary Children's appointment today and my doctors were all in shock with how well I am doing.<br />
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After my last visit, I don't think they were too sure they would see me again. My hands and mouth have ceased to be numb and tingly. I can swallow normally again. I can balance and walk normal. I can see clearly. And for my favorite.....{drumroll}....... I CRIED!<br />
Granted my head was excruciating pain it literally put me in tears. But I cried! I was so excited, because for the first time in months I felt like I was able to release some negative emotions that have been boiling inside of me. I didn't even care that my head was hurting so bad because the drought is over!<br />
{My head was in so much pain because on the way home from Disneyland we got rear ended and I hit my head really hard}. <br />
I have a lot of fun plans coming up that I feel excited for, because I actually feel like myself again. I feel like I can actually enjoy doing things and talking to people.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLOFhmXz_EXUczNvDLCYbVm_d3hEejoPqSfASMbLeHDxCRj176ilLDS3SnhtQsXB2LdzJSG0QFFej0HdNY2fQZADvYfgwFkgDVjLaHc4W6b8CR5Wnr30dfTJCv7FmQXqGPFmjFej9lyM8/s1600/image+(12).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLOFhmXz_EXUczNvDLCYbVm_d3hEejoPqSfASMbLeHDxCRj176ilLDS3SnhtQsXB2LdzJSG0QFFej0HdNY2fQZADvYfgwFkgDVjLaHc4W6b8CR5Wnr30dfTJCv7FmQXqGPFmjFej9lyM8/s1600/image+(12).jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a>Disneyland was so much fun. And so was the beach!<br />
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I'm just excited that I have lived for exactly 1 year passed when they thought I could make it. I have such support, so thank you, thank you, thank you!<br />
I know that heaven is real. And so is my father that lives there.<br />
I'm so happy that I am still around, some 12 months past expected.<br />
I'm the luckiest girl in the world.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow is the Elevate 5k race for my family, along with 5 others struggling with cancer.<br />
For any of you that are interested:<br />
<a href="http://elevateutah.com/" target="_blank">Elevate 5k race sign up</a><br />
You can also see the video of me that they did about a month ago, and I look terrible compared to now. I don't blame my doctors for thinking that I wasn't doing too well!<br />
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On Good Things Utah set talking about the Elevate 5k.<br />
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Jordyn had a canvas of us made for my birthday and I love having it right above my bed! (Especially since she's in Havasupai! I miss her).</div>
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I had my brother use my scar and shave a cancer ribbon into my head! </div>
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More Disneyland fun!</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Getting my balance back comes with lots of fun.</div>
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Driving home from Disneyland.</div>
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Fun with Friends.</div>
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Anyways, I'll probably have more to post real soon!<br />
Thanks for reading and praying!<br />
I can do hard things!<br />
Rach!<br />
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Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-83679774813233723072014-04-30T22:43:00.000-07:002014-05-01T07:03:41.739-07:00End of an Era<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgpF2LuezadkjGuX2d_1wFzadHl80UpQWjYUPRpN2ZIjlXC_ogRicWA5n3l56FsgIR-DuXgR02XMnKfG47N67CkMV81oA3Xr_gQcMrKMyaaFTL-05HKTrfipf9R5Q09OYBVt-buB3CzGU/s1600/photo+4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgpF2LuezadkjGuX2d_1wFzadHl80UpQWjYUPRpN2ZIjlXC_ogRicWA5n3l56FsgIR-DuXgR02XMnKfG47N67CkMV81oA3Xr_gQcMrKMyaaFTL-05HKTrfipf9R5Q09OYBVt-buB3CzGU/s1600/photo+4.JPG" height="320" width="202" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today marks a significant day in my calendar. Today I
finished number 10/10 radiation treatments to my brain. Even though today-my
brain not be exactly in the stage that it’s appreciated the most and definitely
hasn’t cooperated the way I had wished- I have completed traditional
treatments. <u>Treatments</u> <u>consisting of:</u><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">HUNDREDS of doses of chemotherapy</b> (that daily oral stuff along with
everything else really adds up), <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">and:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">67 doses of radiation:<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">30 to the head<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">27 to the back<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">10 to the head again<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been on four
kinds of chemotherapy (2 oral, 2 interveinous)<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Crenolanib (clinical trial at st jude)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Temodar (2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> oral kind)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Avastin (used simultaneously with…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irinotecan (SATAN)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Remember my crazy days when each post was zittier than the
last? (my computer keeps telling me that zittier isn’t a word, but if you have
ever dealt with acne you know that it is and agree with me on the mutual
argument that despite the red squiggly lines, zittier is in fact a word).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back to my point (I’d like to blame my sporadic thoughts
on the brain tumor, but that’s just a quality that came with the body- no
refunds, no exchanges)! But that crazy time when I was on dexamethasone and all
Hell broke loose. When I literally classified in the same category as those that
thought the world was rapidly speeding to a crashing halt in 2012. (From
different reasons aside zombies of course).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been thinking back on those days a lot this week,
as those, along with these days are kind of the alpha and omega of such
a trying, but beautiful era.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember
when I was on that dexamethasone, and “happy” pills- I was still incredibly
unhappy. I told Diane “I want to be put into a medically induced coma, til
radiation is all over,” and even asked my doctors (Dr. Tsui and Dr. Broniscer,
remember)? If that would be a possibility (don’t judge).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt hell every day. Even worse, I felt as though that
hell would be one to persist forever. And for a while I felt as if it had. And
even now I sometimes feel like it has. Mostly when I’m sitting around thinking and
feeling sorry for myself. But either way, there are times (minimal) when I feel
that way, even now. But for the most part I am happy and grateful for my life. Even
the cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My Heavenly Father has helped me escape that hell. And
even though I still have those cancerous cells, bigger than ever, and tangling
themselves to the consideration of diffused, I have escaped the hell I previously
have been in tat tries claiming permanent residency.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been pretty emotional thinking about how this era is
coming to a halt as of recent. Because unlike when I was at St. Jude and wanted
to be in a coma and come through the whole process asleep, I look back on it
and think “wow”. It’d be a pretty disturbing thing to say that I don’t want it
to end. But I’d be lying if I said I was happy that it’s over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s probably far from over, I just see it that way
because with the knowledge I have, I am finished with chemotherapy and
radiation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMGZtB1fw49dKGk4TEkARO9hTeJbXAzqw1NcH3H03jhHzKGLv5QfvCdImYa-g4_ZI_W3y4Rnu99Tpov6bK53gQY8TD9lD85brGFIOVHtB9edjozQHZNZn3_mwpnHm_ay8hsxHa6YQAo18/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMGZtB1fw49dKGk4TEkARO9hTeJbXAzqw1NcH3H03jhHzKGLv5QfvCdImYa-g4_ZI_W3y4Rnu99Tpov6bK53gQY8TD9lD85brGFIOVHtB9edjozQHZNZn3_mwpnHm_ay8hsxHa6YQAo18/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you have cancer, you know what the 0-10 scale is. It
classifies your pain level 0 is no pain and 10 is basically dying. They have you rate what kind of pain you're in, and depending on your level of discomfort, I'm guessing, they have a certain point where they like to medicate you or find some other sort of alleviation for it. I like to think
I have a high tolerance for pain, but probably don’t, compared to others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I kind of like using the same scale, but instead of using
it for pain, I use it to internally determine my level of happiness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am working on some other non-traditional treatment but
I have chosen to keep that separate from my blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when I was talking to my radiation Dr.
today he attributed the success that we’ve seen as of recent to the alternative
treatment. Which excites me a by a large factor on that happiness scale. I’d
rate that a 1, (10 is miserable).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Remember how my fingers are kind of numb? And I had to kind of re learn how to use my hands together to play the piano? Well I've been working really hard and am playing Clair de Lune at a piano recital coming up!</span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJxiOg_zXu5hd2C0927b8WOHQarMM0V1Geg4jHYw-2yF8lcOmO8jBMkIrVLJwYjLEpTs1bBPZwRn18mNvz1JxbbubikaD54RoQ5WOEnYbR_z4OmYbnWyPk52MfuPepsJDRvmd6HhSM7pc/s1600/photo+5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJxiOg_zXu5hd2C0927b8WOHQarMM0V1Geg4jHYw-2yF8lcOmO8jBMkIrVLJwYjLEpTs1bBPZwRn18mNvz1JxbbubikaD54RoQ5WOEnYbR_z4OmYbnWyPk52MfuPepsJDRvmd6HhSM7pc/s1600/photo+5.JPG" height="320" width="213" /></a></span></div>
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<br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m grateful that God has found it beneficial to keep me around here for a while.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So my life is still happening. Even though I’m about 12
months overdue. I’m trying hard, and I’m going strong.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So to celebrate my finishing treatment, a few hours after
I finished treatment #10,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got in the car with
Jordyn, Diane and 2 of my friends and drove to California! We are almost there,
I am excited to go to Disneyland tomorrow!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_TrLOsThkm0hU6JYE7thfJn4gLEv_Su9_p_ZLHxh-yfuM3jmtfvgY60xdJbFwWDThxNQsRfabcbW1EkSC2S9UqUzS0oTKcmQ1vzTzq7ErtYf-depjI8yZYGdFaLY5nP7hRZYHel1HhOs/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_TrLOsThkm0hU6JYE7thfJn4gLEv_Su9_p_ZLHxh-yfuM3jmtfvgY60xdJbFwWDThxNQsRfabcbW1EkSC2S9UqUzS0oTKcmQ1vzTzq7ErtYf-depjI8yZYGdFaLY5nP7hRZYHel1HhOs/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Driving to California.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx2veytkEg0mjo7nov44E_Y9_NOrYRjqKpel19-yUzC6F9J6-VcXMlAIIo5fveeFM91CpHuEbRzBUhyphenhyphenT1TNlXV8uqNPhw_Ihw3_20-J3ox-JS0AYynp0I0xAeZXbkZLzvw1ct0ubT7mMI/s1600/rachels+scar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx2veytkEg0mjo7nov44E_Y9_NOrYRjqKpel19-yUzC6F9J6-VcXMlAIIo5fveeFM91CpHuEbRzBUhyphenhyphenT1TNlXV8uqNPhw_Ihw3_20-J3ox-JS0AYynp0I0xAeZXbkZLzvw1ct0ubT7mMI/s1600/rachels+scar.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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My scar on my stomach is healing so good, and so is the one on my head! The hair is growing back in so fast!</div>
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<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">From the Book of Mormon when I was reading the other day –
“ Now, this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and
free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there
shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost but everything shall be
restored to its perfect frame, as it is now, or in the body, and shall be brought
and be arraigned before the bar of Christ the Son, and God the Father, and the
Holy Spirit, which is one Eternal God, to be judged according to their works,
whether they be good or whether they be evil.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">That entire verse excites me, but especially the part
about hair. Not that I’m in any sort of hurry.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can do hard things.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rach<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br /></div>
Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1461077598805122587.post-21060578950447216682014-04-20T20:21:00.001-07:002014-04-20T20:21:43.268-07:00Easter/My BirthdayToday is my birthday!<br />
<div>
This year it fell on the same day as Easter!</div>
<div>
So I want to thank my Brother today, for making my life easier. For dying for me so that I can live again. For making cancer a little less scary. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Recently I have got surgery, I had to get a shunt put in my brain . Oh and I started radiation again, so I guess you could say I've been pretty productive.</div>
<div>
I have a pretty hard time feeling much of anything with the exception of symptoms from the cancer.</div>
<div>
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That's really all I have to say today.</div>
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Rach</div>
Rachel Strattonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13645867274220536564noreply@blogger.com12