Pray Away

Feel free to pray for me, I am not doing well. I have felt terrible for about the last week, and things seem to keep persisting.
I can hardly type because I am so weak, so this can't be too much longer, I just wanted to quickly post some things I believe.

I believe in God and I believe he loves me even when I can't tell that he does.

I believe God is listening even when I can't tell that he is.

I believe I am being comforted even when I can't sense anyone or thing there.

I believe my life is full of tender mercies even when I don't see his hand in my life.

I believe in tomorrow, even when today was hard to live.

I can do hard things
-Rach

Repeat

I feel like I am on a constant and never ending loop. I feel like nothing will ever be “over” even if we sometimes want it to be. My life is like a crappy TV show (because there’s a sudden obsession with the life of a cancer patient). Really high high’s and really low low’s- and during the whole thing it’s all uncomfortable and dramatic.

Sometimes I get upset with where I am because it is so visibly underwhelming- I guess I sometimes let that get to me. In the beginning I was like “I don’t need any kind of recognition to feel accomplished” when the real truth is, even if it’s an affirming sentiment relayed by Diane, I am better off when I am told I am doing good, or I am making my family proud, etc. I am not currently trying to seek something out, I am just typing something I’ve found out about myself.

I keep getting these mini migraines- so I am not really up to the task of writing but I wanted to at least record that I’m still alive! (Hooray.) But I started going to BYU! Me- a college student! (Before you clap- I’m enrolled in one class) and I’m still working. For the last few weeks- my family has heard very few things come out of my mouth besides my “need for a massage chair”. Retail therapy exists.

It’s been such a long “in between” stage. I’m pretty ready for something new- I think!

Rachel

{taken by: itty bitty beautiful maria corona}