Feel free to pray for me, I am not doing well. I have felt terrible for about the last week, and things seem to keep persisting.
I can hardly type because I am so weak, so this can't be too much longer, I just wanted to quickly post some things I believe.
I believe in God and I believe he loves me even when I can't tell that he does.
I believe God is listening even when I can't tell that he is.
I believe I am being comforted even when I can't sense anyone or thing there.
I believe my life is full of tender mercies even when I don't see his hand in my life.
I believe in tomorrow, even when today was hard to live.
I can do hard things
-Rach
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Repeat
I feel like I am on a constant and never ending loop. I feel
like nothing will ever be “over” even if we sometimes want it to be. My life is
like a crappy TV show (because there’s a sudden obsession with the life of a
cancer patient). Really high high’s and really low low’s- and during the whole
thing it’s all uncomfortable and dramatic.
Sometimes I get upset with where I am because it is so
visibly underwhelming- I guess I sometimes let that get to me. In the beginning
I was like “I don’t need any kind of recognition to feel accomplished” when the
real truth is, even if it’s an affirming sentiment relayed by Diane, I am
better off when I am told I am doing good, or I am making my family proud, etc.
I am not currently trying to seek something out, I am just typing something I’ve
found out about myself.
I keep getting these mini migraines- so I am not really up
to the task of writing but I wanted to at least record that I’m still alive! (Hooray.)
But I started going to BYU! Me- a college student! (Before you clap- I’m
enrolled in one class) and I’m still working. For the last few weeks- my family
has heard very few things come out of my mouth besides my “need for a massage
chair”. Retail therapy exists.
It’s been such a long “in between” stage. I’m pretty ready
for something new- I think!
Rachel
{taken by: itty bitty beautiful maria corona}
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