Wednesday, July 15, 2015

I have come to the conclusion that hope is what we want it and make it to be. I can't talk, walk and everything between but I can still hope. It's pretty embarrassing being 20 and having some people look at me different like I'm 2. The funny thing is when people think I know something but I took 20 years to find out Genovia isn't a real country.Do you really think I know the secret of life?

"I thought a lot today about things inside but I couldn't tell anyone." I wrote, well I have the people around me write in 2 journals each night. That's what I had written for yesterday. It's true I think a lot-normally but I cant say it. It stinks.

I don't really do anything besides eat and sleep but visitors exhaust me, so I'll update everybody this way.
I'm not doing well but I have a lot of peace. That's what counts I guess.
So I'm still hanging in there. Barely but surely. And I'll keep hanging until I can sew (with energy) again.

Much love

And a big thanks for your love, prayers and kind words--

Rachel

58 comments:

  1. We love you, sweetheart. May God bless you always.

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  2. Sending lots of prayers your way! You are a beautiful angel!

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  3. thinking of you today, Rachel. Sounds like you have a wonderful family that loves you lots. No one knows the secret to life, but you are wise beyond your 20 years. BTW, i'm 49 and I'm lucky if I can sew a button on my son's pants lol. Hoping you're feeling better...xoxo Kelly from MA

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  4. Well Genovia might not be real , but if it was you would totally be Anne Hathaway and have become the perfect queen . You are beautiful ! You have taught me much by the way you live your life ... I cherish my children more , follow my dreams more , and trust in the lord much because of your story . You are awesome and I love you !

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  5. Rachel! I know we've only talk on a couple of occasions but believe it or not those couple of times have been one of the best times I've expirenced! From the first time we met I could just feel the joy you had. It wasn't fake or acted it was honest, easy, pure, joy. You taught me to be me without fear. So you be you. Whether or not you can walk, write, or talk I hope you can still share your joy with us because that is special. Hope you feel better soon. Prayers for you every night. And prayers that I can some day feel that joy in which you wear so beautifully

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  6. Miss you Rachel! Thinking and praying for you tons right now. Keep getting stronger so we can all go to Chili's again together!!!! ;)
    -Alex Brown

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  7. Peace and blessings to you, Sweet Rachel.

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  8. Peace and blessings to you, Sweet Rachel.

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  9. Rachel, I am so happy the girls and I had the opportunity to visit with you and your dad when we were visiting Utah last month. You are remarkable. Our family thinks so highly of you. In fact, every time the girls are playing and they choose their pretend names they both blurt out, "I am Rachel!" Originally they would disagree over who got to be called Rachel, but now they call each other "Rachel 1" or "Rachel 2" depending on who calls to be Rachel first. It cracks me up and warms my heart.(: They talk about you and their times with you often and they never miss thanking Heavenly Father for you; nor asking His blessings be upon you. You are loved, Rachel. Thank you for your examples of faith, hope, courage and more. We love, Jaimi, Jeff and Girls

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  10. You are an inspiration. I'm glad and hope and pray for your continual peace.

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  13. Wait... Genovia isn't a real country?! ;)

    You're the best, Rachel. I am glad you feel peace - you sure deserve that. Praying for your comfort and strength. We love you. ❤️

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  14. Praying for you and your family. Tessa asks about you and I always tell her how amazing you are!

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  15. Praying for you and your family. Tessa asks about you and I always tell her how amazing you are!

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  16. Rachel we love you. You are so strong and have such a great attitude. Sending lots of hugs your way. Mike and Becky

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  17. Rachel, although I've never met you in person, I've been following your story from the start. I am continuously amazed by your hope, faith courage, and your positive outlook on life. You are an amazing person and an inspiration to me. You will be in my prayers! Sincerely, -Piano

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  18. Thinking of you often, Rachel, and praying for you. You are an inspiration and have made me realize that I can do hard things, too! P.S. -- I can barely sew a straight seam and wish I had your sewing skills. Best wishes to a real sweetheart, -Gina

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  19. Always always always thinking of you and praying for you. You have so much grace. Everyone is so proud of you. Sending lots of love from Florida.

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  20. We love you Rachel! Your strength and testimony continue to be a great example to us. You and your family are always in each of our prayers.
    Love, the Gatherums

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  21. Hey Rachel! I've learned about your blog last night and in the last 24 hours I've read all your blog posts, from the first one on August 14, 2012, to today, July 15, 2015. And I will continue reading every post from here on out! I love your blog because it is extremely raw and real. Every post I read made it seem like you brought me back all those months in 2012, 2013, and 2014. I think the brutally honest posts you have written are something needed in this world of childhood cancer, the world most people think of as smiling bald children. One of the things that struck me about you was that you were a state track and xc runner. I too am that, and it is jaw dropping to realize that one day you can be running at the state meet, and the next moment being diagnosed with DIPG. So anyway, my point to that is, this year I've started writting things on my feet before each race. Inspirational things like never ever give up or be unrelenting. So as I move onto D1 collegiate athletics in the coming months, I'll add to my list of things I write on my soles, Run for Rachel, and I can do hard things.
    Just keep swimming, moment by moment, breathe by breathe.
    You CAN do hard things!
    With love,
    Hannah

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  24. We are praying for you. You were easier to understand than I thought you would be from what you had said earlier in your blog. :) Vaughn and Everett were holding back tears when I talked to them about how you were doing. There have been some very sincere prayers said by them at our home (& the rest of us). We love you!

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  25. You are simply awesome. You dont know me, but I feel like I know you. You remind me of my husband when he had brain cancer. So brave, so strong, so admirable. You are leaving a legacy young lady!

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  26. I lost my 5 year old daughter to a brain stem tumor in 2008. Thank you for being brave enough to share your battle with us. You are a voice for many people that are fighting this horrible illness. My prayers and positive energy to you. Stay beautiful!

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  27. You can do hard things! Praying for you!

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  28. No one knows for sure. You still have time to hope. You are loved by so many, including me. May my thoughts and prayers for you bring you peace and healing. Love from Texas <3

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  29. Rachel You are a beautiful young woman.
    Thank You for Sharing your feelings.
    Your feelings are important because they are yours! I pray Heavenly Father will bless you with healing of mind body and Spirit.
    I ask God to surround you with his love and Peace.

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  30. Your writing is so appreciated by so many. Thank you for sharing your story. Hugs.

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  31. You are amazing! Keep that beautiful smile going strong. YOU CAN BEAT THIS!!!

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  32. You are brave, beautiful, strong and inspiring! God bless!

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  33. You are absolutely lovely! You have beautiful skin and gorgeous eyes. Your strength is impressive and inspiring, Rachel!

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  34. Rachel, you are in every single one of my prayers. I hope for you to find every bit of peace you need as you continue to inspire others so completely. You can do hard things. You can.

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  35. I just came across your story, and am so impressed by your strength and beauty. There is so much heart in your writing...And so much positive energy coming from your photo. Prayers for you.

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  36. You are a magnificent soul... always have been and always will be. Nothing can change that. <3

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  37. You are beautiful as you are, a unique, amazing person made in the image of God. He is watching over you, even in times when it may feel as if He isn't there. Lots of prayers for you, and God bless!

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  38. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your wonderful creations when your energy returns. :) My prayers are with you.

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  39. Hi Rachel,
    I read your latest blog entries and some of the earlier ones. It is brilliant. You are so forthright and truthful and your purposefulness is right out there. I hope you find joy wherever you look. You make that seem possible. Thank you.

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  40. I think you you are truly amazing. You keep up the hope and I will say some prayers. I believe there are miracles and that's what I am hoping for you. Stay strong.

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  41. You are truly inspirational. I am amazed by your power to endure through such a hard time, and I hope with all my heart that everything turns out okay, whatever "okay" may be. Rachel, you are in my prayers, and the love I feel for you, though I only know you through this blog, is tremendous. You can do hard things. Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me in ways I didn't think it could, but then again, Heavenly Father works in strange ways. You are loved Rachel. Thank you for being you, you are lovely.

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  42. Hey Rachel This is Madison Bunker,
    The last time I saw you was at the mtc a year and a half ago before i left for my mission to mexico. you were singing in a choir there and after we were able to talk a little... in the time we talked, you were able to give me hope and strength to serve my mission. about a week ago i got back from my mission. Can you believe it a year and a half has passed by so fast. so i was just reading your blog and i just want you to know how beautiful and strong you really are! you are the most christlike person i know. You have the strongest faith and hope. Thank you for being an example to me for helping me to have the courage and hope to serve a mission. I know God loves you so much and i know that his son Jesus Christ came to earth and atoned for us. That means that he literally felt all the pains that we have felt and he did this all so that he could succor our affections. Christ understands our challenges and he will be with you the whole time. I love you and pray for you. If there is anything i can do just let me know.
    Madison Bunker

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  43. Thank you for sharing your experiences with the world. You are beautiful and strong and I can't imagine how hard it must be. Don't ever forget that you are loved. I am a stranger, but I am praying for you and love you. Keep fighting.

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  44. Rachel, thank you for posting a picture of yourself. It brings your words to life. I don't expect you to have all the answers or to know the meaning of life. You are sharing yourself. You are not your body. You are eternal, a spiritual being having an earthly experience. Perhaps your life will be a quick one filled with love and family. You will look back on it and know it is a good life. You will have the unique experience of whispering in the ears of your loved ones, giving them hope, love and ideas. You will know that God's purposes are perfect and you will understand why. This is a very special gift. Live courageously. Love fully. Keep sharing. You are absolutely beautiful. And your life is perfect just the way it is. I hope you feel the spirit of what I write. I head of your blog today and wanted to give you hope for the future. It is glorious!!! All my love, Shauna.

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  45. Rachel, you are brave and strong. You are in my prayers and thoughts.

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  46. great! I found your blog when I was looking for a different sort of information but
    I was very happy and glad to read through your blog. Thanks for sharing.
    kinder mate

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  47. Rachel, you are amazing! Keep hanging in there, and never forget how beautiful and loved you are!!

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  48. Thinking and praying for you.

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  49. I don't think people on the outside understand the frustration that this disease brings. When Oliver was going through his journey it was so difficult to see his abilities decrease one by one and not be able to help him. As a parent we feel completely helpless. He never wanted us to worry about him. The strength and wisdom that you young kids... yes... you are still a kid... kind of... is UNBELIEVABLE!! I don't understand the WHY... why you guys were given this trial, but I do know that there is an afterlife. I get signs from Oliver all the time which helps me deal with him being away for the time being. I'm happy that you are at peace and still have hope. I will continue to pray for a miracle for you and to be comfortable and continue to be at peace. With love from Iowa...

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  50. very cool website Man Excellent Amazing I will bookmark your site and take the feeds also.
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  51. You are a brave solider of God's. You are beautiful!

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  52. You are such an amazing young lady fighting this beast. I pray God helps keep you strong and happy. My grandson Derek fought the beast for 8 months It will be a year 8/15. We lived life to the fullest with him and you do the same. I know you are having a hard time and I truly understand. Prayers from Tina in Memphis, TN

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