I have come to the conclusion that hope is what we want it and make it to be. I can't talk, walk and everything between but I can still hope. It's pretty embarrassing being 20 and having some people look at me different like I'm 2. The funny thing is when people think I know something but I took 20 years to find out Genovia isn't a real country.Do you really think I know the secret of life?

"I thought a lot today about things inside but I couldn't tell anyone." I wrote, well I have the people around me write in 2 journals each night. That's what I had written for yesterday. It's true I think a lot-normally but I cant say it. It stinks.

I don't really do anything besides eat and sleep but visitors exhaust me, so I'll update everybody this way.
I'm not doing well but I have a lot of peace. That's what counts I guess.
So I'm still hanging in there. Barely but surely. And I'll keep hanging until I can sew (with energy) again.

Much love

And a big thanks for your love, prayers and kind words--

Rachel

Hello!

I’m still keepin’ on. It stinks cause I am still am fully coherent but I have a hard time talking and basically everything I do is hard for me.  My mom made me walk back and forth along the banister  3 times and I got exhausted.  This trial has made me really wonder if God is real, I can’t say for everyone but I believe strongly in God.  My alternative doctor talks about hope and the world’s view of it.  I will always have heavenly hope.

Rachel

Hi!

I'm still hangin in there!
It's super hard but I know it will be worth it.
I'm pretty grumpy most days I get through it by eating Simply Cheetos White Cheddar (no preservatives so I guess they are healthier) and telling people my mom hits me. Her reaction is pretty funny and it's energizing so I keep saying it.
Other than that I order stuff online,that's pretty much all I do- seriously.
I feel pretty worthless (because I can't help out at home) and ugly because the right side of my face is numb and so my smile looks pretty weird. My right eye doesn't close anymore so my eye is bloodshot and I can hardly see out of it.  My tongue is numb so it makes it hard for me to talk and for others to understand me.  I am deaf in my right ear and that makes hearing hard. Blowing my nose is hard because it hurts my head and so I am stuffed up most of the time. I could go on but you get the idea and I hate it. Oh well I guess though! I'll just keep telling people my mom hits me.

Rachel

ps- I hate pictures so I probably won't post any.